Season’s first snowfall so beautiful in Applewood Acres homeowner pauses dream of escaping suburbia
New Harvest Drive homeowners ostracized for not upsizing, rebuilding, renewing, modernizing, remodelling or even tarting up
At 10:32 a.m. on April 7th, Fred Halliday Park play park — when adjusted for wind chill, ravaged physical defences, emotional hunger for seasonal warmth — confirmed to be world’s coldest place
Caffeinated, hydrated Applewood homeowner periodically surprised Stanley Travel Mug not physically affixed to left hand
Gospel according to Applewood homeowner holds local September temperatures average one degree too warm for sweater, one degree too cool for t-shirt
Applewood homeowner refuses to face ramifications of suburban membership as public life as we know it winds down
Wealthy Place Post reader poll indicates strong preference for artificially generated images of pretty much anything over stock pics of generic police cars behind crime scene police tape
Rather than tap, lonely local widower opts to insert bank card so as to glory in precious few moments of cashier, queuers attentions, however unkind
Even as Wealthy Place Post bucks ‘as’ trend rife in media headline drafting, upstart organ’s circulation soars as Beaverton’s never has
Communist Party of Applewood in shambles as core member insists green apple replace red on flag, merch
.png)
