Wealthy Place Post headline torque sends subscriber to hospital with undisclosed injuries

A longtime subscriber of the Wealthy Place Post was taken to hospital yesterday after reportedly suffering injuries linked to what authorities are calling "excessive headline torque."

According to witnesses, the subscriber was reading the paper’s morning edition when the headline in question delivered such an abrupt twist of meaning and phrasing that the individual "snapped backward in their chair." Paramedics confirmed the patient was transported to hospital with injuries that have not yet been disclosed.

"We’ve always known the Post to use bold turns of phrase," said one neighbour, "but this one must have been a record-breaker. I nearly dropped my coffee just skimming the front page."

The Post declined to release the headline itself, citing editorial standards and "the need to avoid further strain on the public." However, the paper assured subscribers it is reviewing torque limits and may consider testing future headlines with a panel of volunteers before publication.

Doctors expect the injured subscriber to make a full recovery, but recommend that readers "pace themselves when digesting unusually sharp or clever headlines."

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FURTHERMOREOVERKILL

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Great, G Papa Tango, and follow it up with an apology of sorts from the Wealthy Place Post.

Wealthy Place Post offers “slightly twisted” apology after headline mishap

To our valued readers:

It has come to our attention that yesterday’s front-page headline may have delivered a little more twist than intended—so much so that one subscriber required medical attention. For this, we apologize.

We never meant for our editorial flair to be physically hazardous. In hindsight, phrases like “headline torque” probably shouldn’t have been taken literally. We are now considering a new policy: all future headlines will undergo a rigorous testing protocol, including gentle tugging, slow rotations, and—where necessary—stretching exercises.

We wish our injured reader a speedy recovery and remind all other subscribers to approach the Post with caution: sudden puns, unexpected commas, and daring turns of phrase may cause whiplash, dizziness, or fits of laughter.

Thank you for reading responsibly (or at least trying to).

— The Editorial Team, Wealthy Place Post

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