Rearing skunk, squashed squirrel, zombie commuter vying to become newest official Applewood mascot

In the quaint town of Applewood, where the aroma of apple orchards mingles with the crisp autumn air, an unconventional competition is underway. Amongst the contenders for the prestigious title of the town's official mascot are a rearing skunk, a squashed squirrel, and a zombie commuter.

Residents of Applewood have long prided themselves on their unique traditions and community spirit. From the annual apple pie baking contest to the lively town square concerts, there's always something happening in this picturesque slice of Americana. And now, with the retirement of the beloved Applewood Apple, the search for a new mascot has captured the town's imagination like never before.

First up is the rearing skunk, known for its mischievous antics and distinctive black-and-white fur. While some may find its pungent odor off-putting, supporters argue that it symbolizes the town's resilience and ability to overcome adversity.

Next in line is the squashed squirrel, a somewhat controversial choice that has divided the community. Proponents argue that it represents the importance of road safety and environmental conservation, while opponents worry that it may be too morbid a symbol for such a cheerful town.

Last but not least is the zombie commuter, a surprising entry that has raised more than a few eyebrows. With its disheveled appearance and vacant stare, the zombie commuter certainly stands out from the crowd. Some see it as a humorous nod to the daily grind of modern life, while others fear it may send the wrong message about Applewood's welcoming atmosphere.

As the competition heats up, residents are invited to cast their votes for their favorite mascot candidate. The town council assures everyone that the selection process will be fair and transparent, with the final decision being made by a panel of impartial judges.

In the end, whether it's the rearing skunk, the squashed squirrel, or the zombie commuter, one thing is for certain: Applewood's newest mascot will be as unique and quirky as the town itself. And no matter who ultimately claims the title, they'll have the full support and enthusiasm of the entire community behind them.

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FURTHERMOREOVERKILL

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G Papa Tango, how many ways can a squirrel die?

A squirrel can meet its end in a surprisingly vast number of ways. Here are some broad categories:

Natural Causes

• Old age (though rare in the wild)

• Disease (e.g., squirrel pox, rabies, leptospirosis)

• Starvation (especially in harsh winters)

• Dehydration

• Exposure to extreme cold or heat

• Predation (by hawks, owls, foxes, raccoons, coyotes, domestic cats, etc.)

Accidental Deaths

• Falling from a great height (though they’re excellent climbers)

• Drowning (in pools, lakes, or water buckets)

• Getting stuck in tight spaces (gutters, pipes, fences)

• Choking on food

• Getting trapped in garbage cans or compost bins

• Tangling in human litter (plastic, fishing lines, netting)

Human-Related Incidents

• Getting hit by a car (one of the most common causes)

• Electrocuted by power lines

• Poisoning (intentional or unintentional from rodent traps or pesticides)

• Trapped or shot by homeowners/gardeners

• Becoming roadkill due to poor judgment or hesitation

• Getting caught in machinery (lawnmowers, generators)

Unusual or Bizarre Deaths

• Lightning strikes

• Collapsing tree branches or nests

• Being mistaken for a threat by an overzealous dog

• Eating fermented fruit and suffering alcohol poisoning

• Getting into a fight with another squirrel and falling to an unfortunate end

Squirrels are resilient little creatures, but life is perilous when you spend your days darting between trees and dodging predators!

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