Newly crowned Mr. Universe denies steroid accusations, insists physique sculpted through hard work, manifest genius of Westacres Park Trekfit bars set at scientific heights, angles
Living Arts Centre having claimed title Heart of Mississauga, Applewood left to pick between Spleen, Duodenum
Applewood Acres homeowners rate after-dark street safety nearer Nightmare Before Christmas than Nightmare on Elm Street
Despite wheeling out garbage bins in pronounced zigzag fashion Monday mornings long before crack of dawn, Rob known to acquit self as model neighbour homeowner
Aching-back DIYer ripping up original hardwood wishes dearly builders had built floors, like, three feet higher
‘This morning’s unilateral, draconian move to appoint me Mayor of Applewood Acres is a nail in democracy’s coffin, a blow to political literacy, a feather in AI’s capital, and a disjoinder in the...
Applewood’s labyrinthine layout prepares residents mentally, tactically for inevitable post-November election chaos, muses local man at acute corner, resplendent in freshly pressed camo ensemble
Applewood Acres parent daily moved to shake head in wonder at formation of clutter, chaos despite children impaled in place by Internet
Horrors heralded by House of Leaves-like discrepancy between cozy Applewood living room, new TV dimensions never actually materialize, as panicky homeowner reminded 219 inches represents diagonal
All king’s horses, all king’s men, couldn’t hardly put Applewood storm sewer system back together again
Gen X-er set to retire from pop culture eyed soft landing but opts on whim for cold turkey: purges Spotify app, YouTube subscriptions, doubles down on Facebook
Proximity of Applewood Plaza neighbour-but-one Lakeview Animal Hospital stonewalls Lucky from enjoying full glory of $12, unlimited shampoo at Pet Valu Self-Serve Dog Wash
Local widower playboy shatters tibia leaping from MILF’s bedroom window; finds solace in care of fill-in Trillium nurse recently summoned back from retirement
Distraught new homeowner discovers glorious, panoramic front-room windows admit sunbeams, passersby both
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