Wealthy Place Post to clone self, serve up contradicting news

In a move that has stunned media analysts and delighted postmodern philosophers, the Wealthy Place Post (WPP) announced plans this week to “clone itself” in order to publish two distinct, and often opposing, versions of the news.

The flagship publication, known for its glossy spreads and long-form takes on aspiration, real estate, and intergenerational guilt, will now have a sibling—WPP: Mirror—promising headlines that challenge, refute, or otherwise complicate those of its parent outlet.

“This is not a rebrand,” said WPP’s editorial chief Miranda Plume. “This is ontological journalism. Readers want to feel something. Confusion is a feeling.”

For example, while next Monday’s WPP Classic front page may read “Luxury is Back: Why You Deserve the Good Life,” the WPP: Mirror edition will counter with “Luxury is a Lie: Stop Buying What’s Already Yours.”

Readers with dual subscriptions will receive both editions weekly in embossed envelopes, each with a gold-foil note encouraging them to “choose their own truth—or live in the tension.”

Critics accuse WPP of monetizing cognitive dissonance. Supporters say it's about time someone printed what everyone’s already thinking—twice.

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G Papa Tango, pick a date, a purpose, a slogan, and a schedule of events for International Day of Cognitive Dissonance.

International Day of Cognitive Dissonance

Date: October 13

Purpose: To celebrate the beautifully uncomfortable clash between belief and reality—and to promote awareness of how contradiction shapes human thinking, culture, and decision-making. Chosen for its proximity to the date “1984” was first published in the U.S. (October 13, 1949), honoring Orwell’s deep dive into doublespeak and mental gymnastics.

Slogan: “Hold Two Thoughts. Proceed Anyway.”

Schedule of Events:

Morning: 8:00 AM – 10:00 AM🔄 Opening Ceremony: Simultaneous Keynotes

• Two speakers present opposite arguments on the same topic: “Technology Saves Us / Technology Destroys Us.”

• Audience wears headphones, switching channels at will.

Late Morning: 10:30 AM – 12:00 PM🧠 Workshop: “How to Believe Everything at Once”

• Explore real-world scenarios where people hold contradictory beliefs (e.g., environmentalists who fly frequently, privacy advocates on TikTok).

• Exercises in writing persuasive arguments for both sides.

Lunch: 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM🥪 Catered Paradox Buffet

• All dishes are labeled with mutually exclusive descriptions: “Vegan Veal,” “Sugar-Free Sugar Pie,” “Ice-Hot Chili.”

Afternoon: 1:30 PM – 3:00 PM🎭 Theatre of the Absurd Panel

• Playwrights, psychologists, and marketers discuss the productive chaos of dissonance in their fields.

• Includes a dramatic reading from a script that contradicts itself every third line.

Late Afternoon: 3:30 PM – 5:00 PM🌀 Guided Mind Twist Walk

• A curated stroll through an art exhibit that includes Escher staircases, mirrors facing mirrors, and a room where the signs say “Exit” on every door—none of which open.

Evening: 7:00 PM – 10:00 PM🎉 Gala of Conflicted Selves

• Dress code: Contradict yourself (e.g., tuxedo and flip-flops, peace symbols and boxing gloves).

• Dance floor plays two tempos at once.

• Guests are handed fortune cookies with both an inspiring and deeply discouraging message inside.

Closing Message (Projected Across Venue Walls):"Thank you for attending. We’re sorry you came. Please reflect on your confusion—and come again next year (or never)."

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