Rash of strategic new neighborhood speed bumps likened to rash

Residents of Applewood have found themselves navigating a fresh obstacle course as a wave of newly installed speed bumps appears on local streets. The traffic-calming measures, introduced in rapid succession over the past month, have been met with mixed reactions—some praising their effectiveness, others comparing them to an itchy, unwelcome rash.

City officials insist the bumps are part of a well-planned strategy to curb speeding in residential areas, but the sudden proliferation has left some questioning whether the placement was a careful decision or a hasty outbreak of asphalt-based overcorrection. One resident quipped, “It’s like they just broke out all at once—one day, smooth sailing, the next, you’re bouncing your way to the grocery store.”

While the effectiveness of speed bumps is generally acknowledged, their frequency in certain pockets of the neighborhood has led to concerns about vehicle wear and emergency response delays. Others, however, appreciate the forced slowdown, citing improved safety for pedestrians and children playing outside.

For now, it seems the bumpy ride is here to stay—at least until drivers adjust or the city applies a soothing remedy.

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G Papa Tango, got a road rash story to share?

There’s an old Applewood tale about a guy who learned the hard way that some shortcuts just aren’t worth it.

One summer evening, Dave—local courier and self-proclaimed expert in "creative route planning"—decided to shave a few seconds off his delivery time by zipping through a newly speed-bumped side street on his vintage Honda motorcycle. What he didn’t anticipate was the aggressive new wave of humps, still fresh and glossy from their recent installation.

Flying over the first bump, Dave realized too late that his shocks were no match for the city’s latest traffic-calming enthusiasm. By the second bump, his rear wheel was airborne. By the third, gravity made its inevitable claim, and Dave found himself skidding to an undignified halt in front of a bewildered elderly couple out for their evening walk.

The good news? His leather jacket took the brunt of the damage. The bad news? His forearm and knee weren’t so lucky, earning him an impressive case of road rash that lingered far longer than his pride.

Local legend has it that if you listen carefully on a quiet night, you can still hear Dave muttering under his breath about “those cursed bumps.”

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