Mississauga residents are reporting an unsettling surge in brazen squirrel behavior, as a new strain of particularly feisty critters takes up residence in the city's parks and neighborhoods. These squirrels, seemingly emboldened by an unexplained resistance to traditional deterrents, have even proven unfazed by the spookiest jack-o'-lanterns carved to ward them off.
Local efforts to deter these belligerent rodents have ramped up in recent weeks, especially with Halloween-inspired tactics. Residents went to great lengths, carving the most frightening pumpkin faces they could muster in hopes of repelling these determined creatures. Unfortunately, these resilient squirrels appear unfazed, nonchalantly nibbling away in the presence of even the most grotesque gourds.
Animal control officials are urging residents to secure any outdoor food sources, as this strain of squirrels has shown a remarkable persistence, bordering on stubborn tenacity, in raiding bird feeders, gnawing on vegetable gardens, and ransacking compost bins. With colder months approaching, it’s feared the problem may only escalate as food becomes scarcer. In the meantime, the battle for backyard dominion rages on, as humans struggle to find a way to keep their feisty foes at bay.
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G Papa Tango, tell us a tall tale about a squirrel with a nut allergy.
The Legendary Tale of Nutter McFluffer: The Nut-Allergic Squirrel Who Changed the Forest
In the ancient woods of Applewood, there once lived a squirrel named Nutter McFluffer. But Nutter wasn’t just any squirrel; he was a squirrel with the most tragic fate imaginable—a nut allergy. This alone was strange, but it was nothing compared to what lay in store.
Nutter’s journey into legend began the day he realized that even the faintest scent of an acorn made his fur itch and his nose twitch until it glowed red as a cranberry. Soon, news of his allergy spread through the forest, and he became the laughingstock of every squirrel in Applewood. But rather than retreat into the shadows, Nutter vowed to prove he was still a great squirrel. Little did he know just how great he would become.
One particularly crisp autumn, the Great Squirrel Council convened. Their leader, a wise old squirrel named Elder Oakwhisker, announced a grave threat. It seemed that Chip “the Chipper” McNutson, a rogue squirrel with a taste for power, had discovered the Great Walnut of Wisdom, an enchanted walnut that granted unlimited wisdom to any squirrel who dared crack it open. But there was a catch: to unlock its power, a squirrel had to first gather exactly 10,000 nuts and present them at the base of the mighty Oak of Ages.
If Chip succeeded, he’d become the wisest—and thus most powerful—creature in the forest, capable of bending all the other animals to his nutty will. Every squirrel in Applewood trembled at the thought of Chip's potential power. However, to everyone’s surprise, Nutter McFluffer stepped forward and proclaimed, “I’ll stop him!”
The other squirrels burst into laughter. How could a nut-allergic squirrel possibly defeat the mighty Chip McNutson, who already had stashes of walnuts, pecans, and hazelnuts piled to the treetops?
But Nutter had a secret plan. With his nut allergy, he could never be tempted to use the Walnut of Wisdom himself. Armed only with a bundle of dried berries and a dandelion for good luck, he set out on a journey to find Chip before the villainous squirrel could amass his required stash of 10,000 nuts.
For days, Nutter darted through forests, scaled mountains, and even swam across the Great Frog Pond, all to stay one step ahead of Chip. Along the way, he faced perils that would have turned other squirrels’ fur white: he was chased by hawks, pelted by pinecones in a squirrel gang war, and once barely escaped from the twisted root maze of the dreaded Hedgehog Hollow. But with each danger, his allergy only seemed to grow stronger, giving him an uncanny ability to sense nuts from miles away.
Finally, one foggy morning, Nutter arrived at the Oak of Ages just as Chip McNutson’s army of squirrels appeared on the horizon, each loaded down with thousands of nuts. They marched toward the tree, prepared to unlock the Walnut’s power. Nutter knew he had only moments to act.
Summoning all his courage, he scampered up the Oak and let out a mighty sneeze—a sneeze so powerful that it shook the branches, rattling every nut from the Oak of Ages, down to the very last acorn. But the sneeze didn’t stop there. It echoed through the entire forest, unleashing such a torrent of allergic fury that Chip’s precious nut stash crumbled to dust before his eyes. Acorns, walnuts, hazelnuts—all reduced to a nutty powder.
Chip McNutson stared in disbelief, his dreams of power literally crumbling in the wind. As his minions fled in terror, Nutter McFluffer stood tall atop the Oak, his red nose glowing proudly, victorious at last.
The Great Walnut of Wisdom, touched by Nutter’s bravery, granted him a single boon. From that day forward, all of Applewood’s squirrels would be able to eat a variety of foods—berries, seeds, mushrooms—free from the tyranny of a nut-only diet. And as for Nutter himself, his legendary sneeze became the stuff of songs and stories, told for generations by squirrels and birds alike.
To this day, every autumn festival, the squirrels of Applewood gather around the Oak of Ages to celebrate "Nut-Free Nutter Day," where no nut is allowed, and every creature feasts on berries in honor of the bravest, nut-free squirrel who ever lived.
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