As per North American suburban average, 4 of 7 Wonders of Suburbia located in Applewood Acres

MISSISSAUGA — It’s official: Applewood Acres is exactly as wondrous as expected. According to the latest report from the Institute for Suburban Predictability, the neighbourhood checks off four of the canonical Seven Wonders of Suburbia—bang on the North American average.

The findings, described by one researcher as “utterly unsurprising,” confirm that Applewood Acres joins the ranks of thousands of other postwar suburban enclaves in achieving the baseline quota of marvels required to sustain local mythologies and keep the real estate brochures glossy.

The four wonders currently confirmed within Applewood’s modest borders include:

1. A Mysteriously Preserved Rec Room – Complete with faux-wood panelling, drop ceiling, and an unplugged treadmill no one has touched since Y2K.

2. A Playground Structure Built for Injury – Repainted annually but retaining its original 1960s angles of danger, complete with a twisty slide of questionable friction.

3. The Tireless Dog-Walker – No one knows his name, where he lives, or how many dogs he actually owns. But he appears every morning and evening, rain or shine, muttering “Hey” to everyone and no one.

4. A Strip Mall That Time Forgot – Anchored by a dry cleaner, a vape shop, and a medical clinic that still uses a fax machine. Most units are inexplicably leased.

The other three wonders—such as the Lawn of Unkillable Sod, the Spontaneous Holiday Inflatable Village, and the Garage That Has Never Known a Car—remain elusive within Applewood limits, but planners are optimistic.

“It’s comforting, in a way,” said longtime resident Barb Ladouceur, standing beside her neighbour’s decorative wishing well. “Not too special, not too bland. Just enough charm to feel proud, but not enough to attract photographers.”

Sociologists agree: four suburban wonders is the median sweet spot—just enough to provide the illusion of local identity, but not so many as to disrupt the gentle hum of sameness that binds suburban North America together.

As the report concludes: ‘Wherever you are, you’re probably here.’

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FURTHERMOREOVERKILL

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G Papa Tango, is there an acknowledged 7 Wonders of Suburbia list?

No, there isn’t an officially recognized or universally acknowledged list of the “7 Wonders of Suburbia.”

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You should canonize one now (real sites, in real suburbs)!

The 7 Wonders of Suburbia (Canonized, 2025)

1. The Giant Fork in the Road – Pasadena, California (USA)

At a literal fork in the road, someone in Pasadena planted a giant silver fork. What began as a prank in 2009 is now a beloved suburban icon. Drivers beep, kids pose, and suburban metaphor comes alive in gleaming aluminum.

2. The Big Duck – Flanders, New York (USA)

This giant duck-shaped building was built in 1931 to sell ducks and duck eggs. Now it's a historic site and gift shop, and arguably the world's most over-literal zoning choice. A pilgrimage site for lovers of kitsch and roadside charm.

3. The Mystery Spot – Santa Cruz, California (USA)

A classic “gravitational anomaly” attraction hidden in a wooded suburb. Slanted houses, weird tilts, and confused senses abound. Suburban science and tourist trap collide in a beautifully off-level experience.

4. Centennial Park’s Suburban Stonehenge – Etobicoke, Ontario (Canada)

Built as a sundial and art installation, this stone circle near the suburban sprawl of Etobicoke offers a strangely sacred pause between soccer fields, parking lots, and the Costco on the Queensway. No druid required.

5. The House on the Rock – Spring Green, Wisconsin (USA)

While technically rural, it sits close enough to the Madison suburbs to qualify—and it deserves inclusion for sheer maximalism. Endless rooms, bizarre collections, a carousel with no horses... it’s a fever dream in mid-century architecture and hoarding.

6. The UFO Welcome Center – Bowman, South Carolina (USA)

This suburban backyard is home to a homemade flying saucer, built by a man named Jody who plans to greet aliens himself. It’s two stacked saucers filled with electronics, hope, and duct tape. Pure suburban eccentric genius.

7. The Future Birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk – Riverside, Iowa (USA)

The town declared itself Kirk’s birthplace based on a line in Star Trek lore. There's a granite monument behind a beauty salon. It’s small, strange, and entirely emblematic of suburban pride in a fictional future.

Each of these is real. Each sits quietly (or not-so-quietly) in the orbit of a suburb somewhere. Together, they define a landscape where wonder and cul-de-sacs coexist.

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