Applewood homeowner, tormented by question of whether to put spoon already at hand into dishwasher or just clean the damned thing along with pots and pans, can be said to be living a pretty good life

Applewood—In a scene of domestic philosophy that might never make it into The Republic but certainly sums up suburban comfort, a local homeowner found themselves staring at a spoon, freshly sullied from stirring coffee, and facing the eternal choice: toss it into the dishwasher, or wash it immediately with the waiting pots and pans.

Reports confirm that the homeowner wavered for nearly a minute, rehearsing arguments for both sides. On the one hand, dishwasher efficiency. On the other, a clean sink and one less item rattling around.

“It’s moments like these,” noted a neighbour, “that remind you life must be going alright. If this is what keeps you up at night, you’ve pretty much won.”

Sociologists might dub it a first-world quandary, while philosophers could point to its kinship with Zeno’s paradox: whichever path is chosen, another spoon will always follow.

For now, the homeowner has opted not to disclose which decision was made—perhaps wisely. Some mysteries are better left unwashed.

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G Papa Tango, please finish this idea, wittily, and by somehow including apples 10 times over: You know your life is good when...

You know your life is good when...

1. The biggest drama in your day is whether to wash that one spoon or save it for the dishwasher like it's the last apple on the tree.

2. You wander into the kitchen and casually nibble on an apple, not because you’re hungry, but because, hey, it’s there—life is just that easy.

3. You have time to debate the merits of Honeycrisp versus Granny Smith, as if you’re solving the world’s apple shortage.

4. You don’t worry about biting into an apple and finding a worm—your apples are always crisp and perfect, just like your life.

5. The only forbidden fruit you’re concerned about is that apple pie cooling on the counter.

1. Your hardest decision is whether to peel the apples for that pie or leave the skins on, because, really, either way, it’s going to taste amazing.

2. You find yourself contemplating apple cider pairings with dinner, as if the world’s peace depends on your choice.

3. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because you’ve planted it exactly where you want it, in your perfectly manicured backyard.

4. You use the phrase “an apple a day” not to ward off doctors, but because you’ve got apples to spare and nothing else to worry about.

5. You realize that, just like with that spoon, no matter how you slice it, your life is as sweet and easy as a golden apple.

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