Sauga 960 taps network of American sources, breaks story Trump’s planned invasion of Canada to kick off with troops crossing Lake Ontario, marching ‘Right up Applewood Road, believe me!’
Applewood Village Shopping Plaza Wellwise automatic sliding doors’ motion detectors sensitivity dial set to ‘Mitosis’
Surge of applicants to Applewood’s groundbreaking Loneliest Homeowner reality show forces organizers into lottery selection process
Walk Score discrepancy of 5 between next door neighbours attributed to slightly shorter trudge to LCBO outlet
On still days, Greening mom swears she can hear neglected freakin French fry alarms beeping way up at McDonald’s on Dundas
Carlton social scientist pinpoints precise moment, coordinates automobiles supplanted humans as so-called Unit of Significance (US): 12:53 pm, November 12, 1972; 43°35'29"N 79°34'32"W
Dog walker continuously flip-flopping on question of whether local residents backed into driveways escapist or forward-looking by nature
Plans to develop Applewood Acres into contemporary suburban utopia shelved after plaza Dollarama mega-expansion
Applewood homeowner unable to identify anything more iconically Applewood than early Saturday morning drone of duelling chainsaws
Studies show ‘I’ll be in the car’ uttered up to 48% more often in Applewood Acres than ‘I love you’
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