Longo’s customer running late uses self-checkout thingy because cashiers so few because self-checkout thingies
Why Applewoodians fear proposed underground Great Rat Retaining Wall spanning Westacres border classic case of too little too late
Newest addition to periodic table, Applewoodium, clocks in with diabolical atomic number exceeding Cara Cara navel orange price point
Inability to source at volume sufficiently acidic newsprint scuppers upstart Wealthy Place Post bid to capitalize on Mississauga News retreat
Applewood Acres homeowner, science yet to corroborate hypothesis July 3rd sunbeam superabundance momentarily centred Applewood galactically
Meta BBCOR Louisville Slugger in hallway tangible, vibrating proof catching car thief in flagrante delicto fantasy now tops Sammy’s decades-old cuckold dream
Pan-Applewood Algorithm (TM) coders declare area homeowner world’s first entirely reconfigured intellect
From Queensway up north to QEW down south, Dixie out east to Cawthra due West, sweet fuck-all worth reporting today
Noting periodic additions, subtractions from United Church Little Library sands of local man’s time
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